Moi parle jolie un jour...

I now know what it feels like to be in the presence of a god. Last Tuesday, after spending five hours teaching third-graders how to say words like “cut” and “tape” in English, I made my long-awaited pilgrimage to the David Sedaris reading at the Village Voice bookshop in Paris for his latest work, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk.

David Sedaris is one of those freaks of nature who can write about something as mundane as say, sitting through an introduction to French language class, and make it into a humorous memoir about masochism. Which is exactly what he did in Me Talk Pretty One Day, his collection of personal essays which, in part, detail his transition into life in France in ways that I can completely relate to. Well, except for the whole gay man who owns his own apartment in Paris and spends his time hanging out with his celebrity sister and watching black and white films part. But at least his struggle with the French language part....I can definitely identify with that, which means he and I are meant to be great friends, bien sûr (bee-en sir: of course).

Unfortunately I'd only had three hours sommeil (so-may: sleep) the night before the reading, so when he showed up and started hilariously giving anecdotes from his diary I got none of those cold-sweat, celebrity-fervor feelings I expected upon meeting one of my most inspirational life models. In fact, all I really felt was an overwhelming desire to go to sleep. Sacrilege!

Like a champ, though, and anyone else with relentless, unquestioning devotion to a deity, I waited in line for two-and-a-half hours to get a five minute one-on-one conversation with the man, in the hopes that his hilarity and fabulosity would somehow rub-off on me. Listening to all the other atrocious American-accented ex-pats in line (mostly NYU students, the fuckers) talk about how much they loved Sedaris, I couldn't help but roll my eyes because, clearly, I love the man more...but enduring that sleep deprived hell while standing in line in my new high-heeled ankle boots was definitely worth the pain...I received inspired advice from Sedaris himself that I should open up my own hotel in Santa Cruz, because Santa Cruz doesn't have any good hotels. Which, I have to say, I totally agree. David Sedaris: I'm on it. I'm considering this new entrepreneurial venture a life quest demanded personally by God.

David Sedaris doesn't like getting his picture taken, so the blurry one you see above is all I got, but the memories I have of him telling a joke about giving Willie Nelson a blow-job are treasures I'll hold with me for a lifetime. And I'm sure that, any day now, I'll talk pretty one day just like Sedaris. Because clearly this man holds magical powers of awesomeness that he felt I also deserved, right?